i'm alex, this is my asshole. and this is my endless (and unrelated) string of thoughts while in transit:
seriously, they've played 'bye bye bye' three times since i've been here. a seemingly tasteless choice for an airport, hub of abandonment.
i really need to stop crying in public places and doing so without any sense of discretion or shame. i can tell that it makes people uncomfortable (and also turns some people on judging my how many older paunchy men were overly invested in why i was so sad.)(i'm at an airport, asshat. there's probably some sort of upheaval happening in my life that you can do nothing to help.)(wait, are you a millionaire?) and i don't like making people uncomfortable. also, there's some kind of social boundary that i'm pretty sure i'm ignoring when i sit alone in public with tears running down my face, snot running out of my nose, and intermittently shuddering with sadness. i feel totally unashamed about it though. fuck it, let em ask. maybe one of them will buy me a drink(s).
also, a little less important in the grand scheme of things, OH MY GOD WHAT THE SHIT I'M GOING TO SPAIN RIGHT NOW WHO DOES THAT SERIOUSLY THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING NO I AM NOT DREAMING NO I AM NOT LEAVING 'LATER' OR 'SOON' OR ANY OTHER INDEFINITE BULLSHIT I'M GOING TO SPAIN RIGHT NOW AS IN I'M BOARDING MY PLANE IN TEN MINUTES AS IN I WON'T BE STEPPING ON AMERICAN SOIL (the best goddamn soil in the world, god bless america, thank you jesus, etc etc) FOR A FULL HALF OF A YEAR.
ahem. in an effort to ease the pain of long hours spent on my ass in uncomfortable seats, i've given myself a mission. (ask what my mission is) i've decided that my mission is to document as many non-sequiturs as i can. granted, this is more for my own personal enjoyment because you, the reader, will not be able to see accompanying faces, hear tones of voice, etc. so my first one is:
(mind you, this was the most hushed and menacing tone i've ever heard) 'you didn't come home last night, bitch'. wonder how that turned out. huh, i guess the fun is in the mystery...of where the body is hidden.
was that too much.
eh. fuck it.
well, the first leg of my trip begins, i'll see you in meeami.
Ohhhhhhhhhhh boy. I went through this same thing when I was an exchange student in Germany for a summer. I totally wish I could re-do things, because the whole time I was there I was just a moody homesick bastard. Hope you're able to grapple with these emotions--it was hard as hell for me.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I really love your writing. It's real.
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